2020 What a long strange year it’s been

Wow! It’s been almost a year since I’ve posted anything on here.

The year of Covid.

It started out with me joining a new church, Connect in Fenton. And going to Celebrate Recovery where I found my tribe.

Had a great 60th birthday in March followed by a worldwide pandemic with lots and lots of time spent alone.

I am so thankful that I have a Living God that I spent much time with. He kept me from dropping into a depression and from losing my mind.

With much prayer, worship and Bible Study at home I learned to spend time with Jesus.

Thank You, God for your unconditional love.

Cookie day

Purposeful Solitude

March 19 2020 (First day of Spring)

The corona virus  got real for me yesterday when it directly impacted my girls.  Both daughters are going to be going through major life changes work wise.   My grandsons Spring Break turned into school from home until ??
For myself I will now be socially isolating because of my age and CDC recommendations.
As a recovering alcoholic with mental health issues who lives alone this is particularly worrisome.  Being alone is not recommended under normal circumstances.  Not day after day.
The upshot is that I am a Christian and I have my faith to draw from.  A deep well that will never run dry.  So I have the assurance that everything will work out.
Another great thing is that I am already proactive concerning my mental health. 1) pet therapy: I have my 2 cats.  That covers touch therapy also.
2) talk therapy: many family members and friends I talk to daily.

3) medication therapy.

3) aromatherapy: I use essential oils for mood enhancement.

4) music therapy: speaks for itself .

5) meditation on God’s Word.

on and on, I am familiar with the concept, so self-care is easy for me.

Its a perfect time to pull out some things I already have to go back to old hobbies .  Sewing, crocheting, journaling more thoroughly.
A time to take the online courses I’ve thought about for years.
And I have the peace of mind that can only come from knowing Jesus.





Leisure Time

If you are like me you do not plan daily leisure activity. It just happens.

To become more aware of how I spend my days, I left screen time turned off for 3 weeks.

I was flabbergasted that I spent that much time on Facebook! Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy seeing what y’all post. I just didn’t realize how much time I was investing. Time I could have used to connect in real life. Time I could/should have been exercising, napping, actually speaking on the phone with someone. I could have spent time with God!

For my own sanity I am imposing a limit. This could be considered giving up for lent.

Keep it Simple; Keep it Real

A few Things I have learned that simplify and enrich at the same time.

1. Pray every day. Some days require hourly prayer.

2. Meditation is never a waste of time. It refreshes the soul.

3. Open the windows for a few minutes every day. This allows the bad air (vibes) to escape and lets fresh air in.

4. When I am finished with a book give it away. I will not reread it, and someone else can enjoy it.

5. Never put a dollar amount on your treasures. A few of my best-loved items were probably $1 at a children’s Santa Shop.

6. The less I say “yes” the more time I have for what really matters to me.

7. Life consists of innumerable moments added together. (Appreciate these moments so life doesn’t pass you by)

8. God is ALWAYS in control. Embrace that thought! (Thank goodness I am not in control)

“ So faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.” ‭‭Romans‬ ‭10:17‬ ‭WEB‬‬ If I want to spend time in the quiet, secret place with God I have to mentally step away from the world. And if I want to hear from God during this time I had better read scripture or better yet, have it memorized. My belief is that the answers to every question I have are in the Bible. If I think that I have a Word from God, I need to make sure it’s not my own wishful thinking. Testing my revelation from God against Biblical Truth will reveal Spiritual accuracy. God will not ever go against His Word. And during times of quiet contemplation He speaks. And I know that I know it is Him! “You know, that you know, that you know, without any shadow of a doubt.”

Shekinah Glory I am completely immersed in the presence of God (A glorious answer to my plea to go deeper still). This is Shekinah Glory.

While in a dreamlike state I had the following revelation from God Almighty (I am still trembling )

God said to me:

You heartsong to me is more beautiful than Beethoven’s 5th symphony.

I love genuine praise that rises from the most secret and sacred chamber of your soul.

You have glimpsed an infinitesimally tiny portion of what I desire from you.

This is a genuine relationship with the Author and Finisher of the world.

You are becoming what I created for. A mouthpiece to declare My Glory.

I have always known that I was made to adore and declare the Glory of our Almighty.

I had been praying for clarification of my role in life. How to be a part of the Great Commission that Jesus speaks of.

It sounds so easy to lift up our Saviour in genuine praise sparked by a desire to follow Him.

And it is. But it’s not. I must throw off every single teensy bit of self righteousness ( and believe me, we all have this).

I need to find the place where the bullet hits the bone. The place that MATTERS, and lift my praise from this core of my being.

And, oh, the payoff! This is Shekinah Glory Come Down.

I am now at a loss for words.

Learning to love myself (again)

Somehow every year about this time I get a little sad and blue.

I am trying to be proactive this February. Making healthier choices for both physical and mental health.

Getting up earlier, eating breakfast, hydrating all day, Adjusting morning and evening routines a bit. Today I watched Made for More (Rachel Hollis). A lot of great advice on there. I plan on applying some of her strategies, while taking it slow so I don’t get overwhelmed.

I recently ordered 2 books that have inspired me. I have loved Sarah Ban Breathnach for 20 years for the Simple Abundance Book. Now I have Romancing the Ordinary and Something More: Excavating Your Authentic Self. Both are full of nuggets of wisdom to embrace your own happiness.

By reflecting back on my younger years I have realized that some of the simple things that I loved back then still spark joy today. A pink scented candle, perfume in beautiful glass bottles, shiny polished rocks, bits of glass, fresh cut flowers in beautiful vases. They have the power to draw me back to a much less complex time in my life.

I acquired the love of these small treasures from different people who I loved as only a child can love. I had a magical childhood. Fully loved, completely protected and enough freedom to be my own person.

And even as I write this more memories envelope me like a warm blanket. I was loved unconditionally by Mom and Dad, grandparents, aunts and uncles. Innumerable cousins. $1.00 in penny candy was a ticket to paradise when shared!

To be continued

Strong allies

I have several new friends on Facebook who are strong Christian women. It has greatly affected me in a wonderful way. My newsfeed is now more uplifting, I see more honesty, I see God’s Truth being spoken.

Unashamed of how they found God, these women are brutally honest about where they have been.

This has illuminated my soul. I no longer feel the need to hide my past, my true self. Because my identity in Christ is what truly matters.

Philippians 1:6 tells us what a great work He is doing in us. So that when Jesus returns I will be complete.

Until that day, I will worship and adore my loving Father.

Feeling abandoned

To admit an awful truth I have felt like an orphan for 20 years.

I so often feel I am grasping at rainbows that disappear. That the terrible things of the world are my personal enemy. That I have been abandoned and have lost all hope. That I am an orphan in a world beyond my comprehension.

This state of being became my reality the day my mama died. I lost the one person who loved me unconditionally. Who thought I was OK. Who ignored all my faults and loved me fiercely anyway.

Her loss was a reality check on the cruelty of cancer. It left such a huge hole in hearts that my daddy followed her in death a few weeks later.

So I was orphaned as an adult with 3 kids of my own. And I had no idea what I was supposed to do to get myself together. I felt lost. My rock was gone.

What followed were many years of bad choices. And I have paid dearly for that. I effectively self sabotaged and almost ruined the rest of my life.

Not only did I drink like a fish, I also spent money like it was nothing. I tried to fill the emptiness inside with everything except God. Because I was pissed at Him. Absolutely furious. And I acted on that by trying every vice under the sun. Drinking, drugs, Wild sex, gambling, and on and on.

I destroyed relationships, I spent my retirement money, I became certifiably nuts.

Debilitating depression. That is where I landed. So when I finally started looking for the truth about life I had already lost so much. Family and friends. Time, self-esteem Money.

All the basics of a good life had been thrown away. And I was ashamed, miserable and in dire straits financially.

But. (I love that word) But GOD PREVAILS!! He took mercy on me and let me come back home. To Him. My true home. He is my mom, my dad, my friend, my rock.

And my life began again. It didn’t happen overnight. It didn’t just manifest. I was tested and tried at every turn. But. He was faithful. Always there. Always loving me. Always only a breath away.

The hard part was letting go, surrendering, and just Being. I had to learn how to be alive again. I had to allow myself to be vulnerable. It was beautifully terrifying.

And after 15 years I am learning to experience the glory in Gods presence.What a freedom, what joy to become aware that heavenly splendor is on a prayer away!!

All I have to do is let it be. God is still working on me. Day by day I became who I always was deep inside.

Praise his holy name!!!!!